The Hero Thing
by kuoco
Summary: A young boy stands in his room, alone. It just so happens that today is the day he will fulfil his destiny and become the greatest superhero Skaia has ever seen!


The streets of Skaia were never safe. The back alleys of the flourishing metropolis cities Derse and Prospit were constantly sprawling with nefarious crooks and creeps. The ones who stole old ladies purses on ridiculously thin spaghetti strings; the robbers who held young couples at gun point to steal the little money they scraped together to go on one lousy movie date; and the baddies who spent dark nights loitering at gas stations, waiting to pounce on the unsuspecting employee working behind the counter.

They always steal a candy bar, too, the wretched fiends.

Heir was an excellent hero, if he did say so himself. It was because he noticed small details like one less Snickers bar that set him apart from the other heroes. Hah! What good are famous heroes like Knight and Seer if they just skipped over the delicate matters and barged head first into the treacherous villain's lair?

Oh no, Heir was special.

Heir knew exactly what to do in every possible dangerous situation, down to which foot to put forward first.

(It was always the right, by the way).

Heir knew the perfect move to make in a moment of danger and sheer adrenaline.

Heir just _knew_ things. He was a hero to the very core.

Heir was the perfect hero the planet of Skaia had needed for so long.

... But where Heir may have been perfect for the position, John Egbert was an absolutely _horrible_ superhero.

•

"This is Peregrine Mendicant at Skaia News One, bringing you breaking news coverage. We have just received word that the dangerous criminal band, the Midnight Crew, have broken into the Prospit City's largest casino and club, The Pool Cue, owned by business mogul Doctor Scratch English. We currently do not know what they are targeting and for what reason they have executed this attack.

We will now cross to Aimless Renegade at the scene of the crime..."

A young boy stands in his room, alone. It is currently eleven o'clock at night in his hometown of Prospit. The television his Dad brought him years before for his birthday sits proudly on his dresser booming the voices of the two top newscasters of Skaia to the citizens of Derse and Prospit. The image of the perpetually immaculate Mendicant pauses for a moment before it crosses over to the on-field reporter Aimless Renegade, dressed in his trademark bright yellow suit.

The name of the boy in question is John Egbert. He is eighteen, with unruly black hair, bright blue eyes, buckteeth, and more important than anything, he is completely and utterly normal. He also really hasn't been doing much with his life so far.

He plans to change this.

After all, what kind of rambunctious young boy living on Skaia _wouldn't _want to be a superhero? None of the boys, that's who; none of them.

But just because every kid on Skaia wanted to become a super awesome hero, didn't mean they all got to. Most of them were lacking the all important key feature of a really cool superhero: a really cool super power, which John Egbert had in _spades_.

Well, maybe it wasn't that cool. He was still tinkering with what effects occurred when he messed with the weather. Didn't the wind change the tide, which was connected to the moon somehow...? Well, either way, John certainly didn't want to screw up something as important as the current lunar cycle! He was a _hero_, not a _villain_!

Hmm, but that's not to say all heroes needed a cool power. John was well aware there were awesome superheroes who went without super speed or the ability to fly and did quite well. The famously beautiful and elegant White Queen was the perfect example for such a person.

For the first time, since he started standing in his room like a dork, staring at the television screen, John Egbert smiled a dopey grin at the thought of the White Queen in her tight hooded outfit, fighting crime with her fists, and being a generally hot babe about it in the mean time!

Gosh darnit, John, _focus_!

John Egbert shook his head and looked back towards the screen where the garishly threaded Aimless Renegade peered at the large casino from behind a strategically placed safety-car, narrating the events in a hushed whisper.

"It has been hours since the last police force entered the building to apprehend the Midnight Crew. We here at Skaia News One fear the worst." Aimless Renegade wails semi-dramatically and cries into the hand not holding a microphone. "Oh, if only Knight and Seer hadn't split up. We'd be saved by now!"

A soft clearing of the throat brought the image away from the Aimless Renegade and back to Peregrine Mendicant looking on pointedly. From a split screen, John could see Aimless Renegade flinch.

"Yes, thank you, Renegade, for the commentary."

"My pleasure, Peregrine."

John huffed to himself before picking up the remote and turning the television off. He had seen enough of this to know exactly what to do next. He was not just going to stand by while the Knight and Seer ignored an innocent, albeit annoying, newscaster's plea for help! He was better than that... he was... he was...

From this moment in time, he was no longer simply John Egbert, out of work high school graduate. No, from now on, he would be known simply as _Heir_.

But first!

"Hey, Dad! Do you know where my superhero tights are?"

•

Okay, so perhaps he didn't entirely think the whole thing through before rushing into it. He probably should have made a checklist or something...

Transportation?

'Check!' John thought to himself, pleased as he glided through the air on a strong wind current.

A debut?

'Double check!' What better a debut than saving a bunch of cops from the clutches of the nefariously smooth Midnight Crew?

Finally... an _outfit_.

"Bluh! It's not my fault! How was I supposed to know that I've grown since I was six?"

However horrible the first choice of an outfit that was, it may have still been better than the current wardrobe choice.

"Hey, I like my pyjamas, okay! They're comfy. And blue. Totally matching with the little windy thing symbol on the front, too!"

Sure, John. Whatever you say.

As John floated down the street in a huff, he swore to himself that he wasn't going crazy. The little, niggling voice in his head was just there to help him! Yeah, of course, that's what it did. Helped.

It wasn't a secret that John Egbert was not entirely well liked at school. To be quite honest, he was a bit of a dork. Not that was his fault! He really did try to get along with the other kids... but in a world where your classmates declared they hated their parents because they didn't get a white iPhone for Christmas. Well, you couldn't blame John for being a tad turned off any potential friendships.

He also liked movies that his classmates had never even heard of.

That caused an immediate mental black mark against their name in John Egbert's book.

However, it just so happened that because of these series of events, John started... thinking to himself. He had major troubles paying attention. His constant daydreaming didn't help that much.

It was a surprise to everyone that he even graduated high school, really.

But due to his daydreaming, and his chronic daydreaming in the middle of class, well it didn't leave John with many career options. He'd always intended to get into some sort of media job, like making awesomely cool movies, preferably with some awesomely cool superstar like Nic Cage, but he wasn't picky!

Turns out you actually need proper degrees to do stuff like that. Degrees that John did not have. Degrees he had no intention of getting any time soon.

Which left a few options.

On the top of this list was 'superhero'.

Thankfully, in the land of Skaia, this was not simply a kid's dream that would only be seen in comics, television, and movies. Oh no, Skaia had real superheroes. Cool ones.

The fact that John even had a superpower was notable enough. He certainly wasn't going to waste this perfect opportunity!

But because John had always had the ability to control the air, combined with the fact that his none of his classmates were rampant Nicholas Cage fans, it only fostered his desire to become a superhero even more.

A need to protect the citizens of Skaia, and of Derse, and of Prospit. Yes, it had always been a dream of John's.

And tonight was the night he would fulfil this dream.

Dressed in pyjamas.

"_Not_ pyjamas!"

•

To say that the situation was critical would be an overreaction. The situation was strange, at best; stupid at worst. Police officers were scurrying around like ants, reporters were wailing into their oversized cameras, and civilians stood around aimlessly holding out there phones to capture the mayhem.

They were lucky that John Egbert never spoke too badly about anybody. Not due to any optimistic feelings he felt about the human race, but leaning more towards the 'he's so naive it's a little scary' spectrum. And he really did prefer to keep those thoughts to himself. A snarky comment here and there in high school didn't go over well with him and the garbage can.

However, he wasn't John Egbert at the moment. He was Heir, toughened crime fighter slash superhero extraordinaire! And apparently Heir did spare an outward glance and giggle towards the picture of Aimless Renegade flailing into the camera once more. If the world would be lucky, his suit would get destroyed like it does with every new story the Midnight Crew were involved in.

Despite the fact that Renegade would have had to been at least 100 metres away from John – no, no! From _Heir_ – still hiding behind the car, Heir could hear him nearly perfectly after processing his exclamations.

"The scene is absolutely manic down here, Peregrine! The people are scared out of their wits! I'm half tempted to get in there and help!"

John could only imagine Miss Mendicant's response. She really did have a short fuse with the guy!

Heir spared another sympathetic glance towards the thoroughly chastised Renegade before swiftly making his way towards the large flashing building in the near distance.

The Pool Cue. Everyone knew what The Pool Cue was. Owned by the most famous man in Skaia, Doctor Scratch, it was the biggest building in Derse City and contained countless casinos, bars, restaurants, clubs, probably a circus or three, too. But John wasn't entirely sure, of course. He had only just turned eighteen, after all. But he'd heard that there was a gentlemen's club there, too! Not that he'd ever thought about going there, of course. No, no. He'd get quite the lecture from his father if he knew!

The thought made his ears turn red. That's not to say that John Egbert was a completely pure young boy. Oh no, of course not. In fact, he spent much of his childhood trying to get little Rose Lalonde to kiss him.

She only ever did allow a peck once, and they both pulled away in disgust immediately afterwards. John threw an aimless thought towards his childhood friend he hadn't seen in years, absentmindedly wondering where she was now... Hm, but it's not like it had anything to do with the current situation!

But of course, John had never had any desire to go into The Pool Cue before this event. Even now it wasn't a desire, per se. More like a need. A need to defeat evil and crime and the nefarious Midnight Crew and maybe even sneak a peek at what lies inside the caverns of shame, despair, and nude girls...

Okay, so he was definitely going to take a peek. That's what the hero did, after all! He wouldn't be much of a hero if he didn't! Not to mention people would start to get the wrong idea. That is to say, John was 100% not a homosexual. Completely! No doubt about it.

So he kind of _had_ to peek. It was in the hero handbook. He was sure of it!

Snap out of it, John. You can peek all you like once you're actually _inside_ The Pool Cue!

Well, ah, it was actually going to be a bit more difficult than John had originally thought. Of course, he didn't just expect to wander right into a crime scene wearing his pyjamas. Oh, of course not!

That is to say, he completely did. And they're '_not pyjamas_'. Yeah, yeah. We _get_ it.

John peered down over the edge of the building he was precariously standing upon and surveyed his surroundings. Maybe there was a skylight or something he could fly to and slip down through... or he could create a distraction tornado and just walk through the front door!

As he was contemplating the effects a mini tornado would have on Derse City's metropolis, he most certainly did not expect a voice right next to his ear. That stuff just didn't happen when you're a superhero in the middle of a big mission, debating what heroic move you'd do next!

Apparently it _did_ happen when the Knight was involved.

"Sup, kid," a smooth, deep voice vibrated against John's ear. The goosebumps reaction was not because he liked it. Nuh-uh, no way! "What're you doin' up here anyway, oh heroic and mighty PyjamaMan? Savin' the day?"

Now, if Heir hadn't been in full hero mode at the current time, he _may_ have squealed in either surprise or sheer happiness, verging on 'fanboy' territory. _May_ have. After all, it wasn't every day that one gets to meet a superhero.

(That's not to say that Knight was his favourite superhero. No, that honour laid with the amazingly heroic hero of the 40's, 'The Hunter'! Of course, no one had even seen the Hunter in decades. For all Skaia knew, the man was dead. But John didn't particularly like to dwell on those thoughts.)

John had been multiple pictures of the Knight from the television, magazines, internet, newspapers... but it hadn't quite prepared him for what was in front of him.

He looks kind of... dorky up close. In his snug little hood and stupid pointy, anime sunglasses... really, Knight, it's eleven thirty night! John wasn't_ usually_ a mean person. Only when people dissed his movies, or talked bad about someone else or now, heaven forbid, comment on his new super cool amazing superhero outfit. Which _had_ been made from his favourite pjs, but he didn't have to comment on them!

Hmph. Perhaps dealing with this snarky snarker snark guy in front of him should be done promptly. Show him who the new boss in town is! That's it, do it, John!

"They are _not_ pyjamas, darnit!"

Oh, very harsh. I'm sure he's about to go off and ice his burns, ASAP.

"Heh. They sure look like some pjs. I bet your _daddy_ bought them for you."

Answer or don't answer. That is the million boondollar question. Nevertheless, either decision would land him in some pretty embarrassing lukewarm water made up of dreadful teenage angst and despair. And despite currently disliking the Knight, he certainly didn't want to look like a _kid_ in front of him.

Ah, high school all over again. Gosh, John, you better reply soon. You can see a strangely bushy eyebrow rising above his stupid pair of pointy shades.

"So?" Maybe that wasn't the best retort, John.

To his merit, Knight just scoffed and smirked before doing only what Heir could assume was a sarcastic eye roll. Why the hell was anyone even wearing shades at night anyway?

John huffed before balefully glaring at Knight, "what are you even doing out here? I thought you like... retired or something! It was all over the news – '_Seer and Knight, split up for good? A lover's spat is suspected!' _It was eveeeeeeeerywhere!"

Knight face scrunched up behind the shades, "gross, dude. No way. And Seer's the one who wanted to retire, man." He paused and pointed his thumb behind him, "I got myself a new partner, anyhow."

The ambiguity of that statement should have set the warning bells off in John's mind, but his complete naivety this time was absolutely useless.

"That was kind of a pathetic entrance, Knight! I thought I taught you better than that!"

Now, John's father was an avid smoker, with the pipe and tobacco and everything, so he was pretty well versed in telling when a person had smoked their entire lives. This girl – if you could really call her that with the amount of sharp edges she had – sounded as if she had smoked enough cigarettes to last several people's lifetimes.

She wandered out of the shadows carelessly, clad in a pair of red tinted sunglasses, a bright red and teal outfit, topped off with a fearsome looking dragon cane clutched in her right hand. John guessed she was blind, as she directed her next question to an air vent.

(Her companion snorted but didn't correct her.)

"Who's this chump anyway, cool kid?"

John frowned, certainly not amiable to being called a chump. He most surely wasn't, after all! He was going to be the next biggest superhero on all of Skaia! He wasn't going to take anything from some blind girl superhero wannabe! Hmph.

"My name is Heir, and I don't know why you're here, but I am going to be the one who saves those people trapped in the casino!" He exclaimed and stomped his foot down, which in hindsight probably looked really stupid. No time to think about that stuff now, though.

(However, he'd moan into his hands like a preteen girl later.)

The girl cackled viciously, leaning on her cane as she laughed. "Who are _you_? PyjamaBoy? How are _you_ going to save people?"

"For your information my hero name is Heir, and I am going to do it like _this_," he said before summoning a wind to propel him off the building and to the top of the brightly lit casino in one fell swoop.

It probably would have looked a lot cooler if he didn't fall flat on his face as soon as he landed. Oh god, why did it have to be a _glass_ ceiling?

Heir peeled his face off the brightly multicoloured glass and peered down into the building. Below him he could see rows and rows of flashing slot machines, but not much else. He huffed to himself in exasperation before attempting to stand precariously on the glass.

Hm. Perhaps not the best idea he ever had. But he was committed now, no turning back lest he had to face the smirking faces of 'Mr Snug Hooded Knight' and 'Miss Blind Dragon Chick'. He took another uncertain step towards the centre of the dome roof, where he had spotted an open skylight.

"That looks like a pretty dumbass move, dumbass."

He counted himself extremely lucky that he didn't fall straight off the roof from the jerk gave. He just didn't expect this many interruptions in one night! And to be quite honest, he was getting pretty fed up with them, too!

"WHA-at?" He exclaimed and shoved his arms out to attempt to balance himself. Which you would have expected to be easier for a guy who controlled the wind, but hey. Slack could be given. It was his first night out on the job, however horrendous it was going.

"Pretty eloquent there, PyjamaKid. Reaaaaaaaally graceful, too! Hahaha."

After Heir had steadied himself – and completely ignoring her jab in the meantime (why did people feel the need to diss his awesomely cool pjs tonight?) – he turned around carefully.

Hm. He kind of half expected some really cool looking villain to be standing there, all hoity-toity with an awesome sword or something.

Okay, the girl was kind of on the right track. An old fashioned black and blue suit and boots, topped off with a huge hat _and_, to her credit, a fearsome looking sword at her side.

But John had a particular knack for these kinds of things. He could tell a villain from a mile away; and this chick, she was easily a hero. No doubt about it.

So John smiled brightly in response to this girl standing on a roof perilously with him. There was something about her that John felt good about!

"Hey! Uh, um, thanks! I guess... but I don't think I'm all that graceful. My dad says I'm like a newborn pony, haha!"

The girl simply raised an eyebrow. "Right. Uh, sarcasm, kid."

John frowned, "oh... I'm not very good at these things, you know! Gotta cut me some slack sometimes."

He got another eyebrow raise in response.

"Haha, well, I'm not really sure why you're up here with me, but I'll talk to you after I save the casino, okay? I am the superhero saving the day, after all!" He grinned and gave her horribly cheesy thumbs up before going back to his previous plan: get to the skylight. Everything would fall into place after that!

"You aaaaaaaare aware that the entire casino is rigged with explosives, right? I mean, only an idiot wouldn't know!"

John paused just before he got to the open section of the roof. "Explosives...?"

The girl gave him a pointed look of exasperation. "Duh! It's the Midnight Crew. The little stumpy short one is their explosives expert. Everything they attack gets blown up into little smithereens once they're done!"

John paled slightly, "uuuhhhh. Crap. Um, good thing you're here then!" He paused and turned towards her before starting a slow journey her way. Hey, he still hadn't gotten the hang of being on high glass rooftops yet! The most hazardous exercises he'd ever experienced before was climbing the rock wall in gym class. Probably a bad comparison. He stop a few feet in front of her and smiled, "what's your name then, oh mysterious girl?"

The girl in question frowned, "why should I give _you_ my name, huh?" She crossed her arms and looked at him pointedly, "you don't even know the basics of being a superhero!"

John laughed nervously, "um, well yeah! I don't! This is my first day on the job, hehe. Oh! My hero name is Heir, by the way. I can kind of control the air and stuff..."

"Heir... hmph. Very well! My name is Mindfang. I'm reaaaaaaaally lucky, so don't cross me! I have all of the luck; _all of it_."

John laughed and nodded, "of course I wouldn't! I can tell that you're a nice person. I try not to be mean to nice people. Uh, unless they insult awesome movies," he gave Mindfang a grim look. "Then I can't help myself."

Mindfang gave him a blank look right back. "Riiiiiiiight. Well, nice meeting you, Heir. I have to go beat my stupid little sister to the Midnight Crew now." She said before wandering up to the skylight John had originally planned to jump down.

"Uh, wait! You don't mean that really pointy girl who sounds like she's smoked, for like, forever, do you?"

Mindfang paused and spun back around to face John. "You've seen her? Where was she?"

John bit his lip and pointed up to the building he was previous atop of, "she was on that building over there! She was with that really famous superhero Knight!"

Mindfang hissed and started talking to herself, "damnit! Redglare is always one step ahead of me! If only I could stop the Midnight Crew this time... hah, that'd show her! But now she's gone and cheated! A partner wasn't a part of the deal! Ugh."

John stood there, thinking to himself. Hm... he really wasn't good at this hero thing on his own! Sure, he had the powers, but he really didn't have the experience! But this girl... Mindfang really seemed to know what she was doing! Hm, maybe if they...

"Hey, Mindfang!"

She looked up at him irritably, "what?"

John looked down at his feet, suddenly embarrassed. Which was stupid. He'd gone out on dates before! He'd made out with girls before! Why was this suddenly so difficult! Ugh, John, get on with it!

"Maybe we should team up! Y'know, since your sister... uh, Redglare! She's got Knight. And I'm waaaaaaaay cooler than Knight!" He said, and grinned at her nervously. "See? I even did the really long vowel thing you've been doing! Hehe, we're practically made to be partners!"

Mindfang paused and narrowed her eyes at John in suspicion. "Hm... it could work. Plus it could make Redglare soooooooo angry to know I've got a sidekick of my own!" ("Uh, I don't mean sidekick, Mindfang!") She looked John in the eye and smirked, "you've got a deal, Heir!"

John's stomach flipped and he breathed out a sigh of relief. "Oh good! Hehe, I was worried you would have shot me down!" He grinned and stumbled over to her before he held out a hand, "anyway, my name is John Egbert. It's nice to meet you, partner!"

Mindfang paused for a second before smirking and taking his hand in hers tightly, "Vriska Serket. At your service, John."

Suddenly, a voice yelled at them from inside the casino below snapped them out of the wonderfully tender moment made for the ages, "hey, lovebirds. We stopped the bad guys without you."

"Hehehehe, no thanks to you, Vriska! Hahahahahaha!"

John and Vriska looked down into the casino, watching as the hostages ran out with rushed fervour.

"Where are the Midnight Crew then, huh?" Vriska screamed down at them. John noticed the sudden drop in Redglare's triumphant features.

"Hmph! They got away when the stumpy one was waving that stupid, disgusting cane of his around like an idiot."

Vriska smirked at her sister before turning back to John with a triumphant look on her face, "wanna go mock them tirelessly, John?" She asked and held her arm out for him.

Heir grinned and looped his arm through Vriska's. "Hehehe, of course!"

Mindfang smirked, "I think this is going to be beeeeeeeeautiful relationship, Heir!"

* * *

><p><em>AN: Aaah, I hope you enjoyed the first chapter! I'm a little busy at the moment, so chapter two should be a little slow, but don't lose faith in me, hehe!_

_Also, more characters and pairings are to come soon!_


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